I ran through the dark hallway; blind, as the barest amounts of light reaches this area. I know the way though and ran without fear. It made me pause for a moment as I heard my feet running along, how I felt no hesitation. I was not concerned that I would run into anything or hit the wall. I trusted myself completely.
Why is it that I can fully trust myself (and I am so completely flawed and broken), yet find it so hard to trust the One who made me? I hesitate in my walk with Him, questioning His judgements and generally just afraid that if I follow in all that He asks of me, I will fall. He made me and I don’t trust Him? When I think about it, it really makes no sense. He loves me so very much, He wants what is good for me, and desires me to follow Him wholeheartedly. Why is it so difficult? Seriously, I wish I didn’t hesitate to follow His guidance. I wish I could run with as much confidence as I run down the hallway, and I wish I could trust Him as much as I trust myself and run with complete abandon toward His grace. Why am I not trusting my Saviour as much as I should? I’ve been asking myself that question for a while now, striving to discover the answer in my heart.
It’s not an easy question to answer. I’m not sure there really is an answer, other than the fact that I am human and my faults run deep. It continually amazes me that God never gets tired of us. I have this constant struggle to trust Him more. Often I don’t even think about how I am taking control of my life and depending on myself instead of Christ. If I say that I have given my life to the Lord, why do I keep taking it back?
I’m not sure where I’m going with this. Mainly I just want to say that we all struggle with different things. I wrestle with control. I have trust issues with my Saviour. It all seems so absurd when I pause to think about it. I think that’s with any sin though. We continually fall into our different sin patterns even though the Son of God has set us free. We fall flat on our faces. We keep our ‘special’ sins, not allowing God to have control of all areas of our life. It’s as if we think we can hide our sins from Him who sees everything in us. Sometimes these sins are things we loath about ourselves, or sometimes they are things we just don’t want to give up. Sometimes we do things almost subconsciously and stray from the word of God.
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”
James 4: 1
James 4: 1
My desires are definitely battling within me. How I long to break free from the grasp of my sin! My friends, pray for the Spirit to set you free. You are in a battle; who will win? God has not left you to fend for yourself, He is right there in the middle of the chaos and mess to lend a hand. Reach for Him today, take the time to read in His Word. He hasn’t turned His face away, He is waiting to help you. All you have to do is admit you have been wrong, ask for His forgiveness and help, and wait on Him.
“Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? But he gives us more grace. That is why the Scripture says:
‘God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble.’
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your heart, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change you laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will life you up.”
James 4: 4b-10
So, to end this post, I encourage you to seek His face. I find it difficult to search Him out when I know I am in the wrong and am struggling with sin in my life, but this is the time to do it! Don’t wait, I can’t stress enough how important it is to deal with the brokenness in our lives before we have allowed ourselves to move so far from Christ that it feels as if He has abandoned us. I really do know what I am talking about, I have seen it played out in my own life hundreds of times. I’ll be struggling with something, but instead of dealing with it and spending time with Jesus I allow myself to drift away. Before I know it I’ve created a huge chasm between God and myself and it feels as if He is so very far away. Call out to Him now, stop the cycle of sin that has been breaking you down. I promise you, there will be a lot less heartache in your life if you take that step of faith and ask the Creator to set you free again.